He loves me : )

So I'm not one of those girls that goes all gushy about boys all the time. I used to be, don't get me wrong, but that was middle school. You're supposed to be like that, right? Whatever. Anyway, so there's this guy I've been crushing on since the very day I began talking to him. I worked with him for about a year and never really spoke to him, until we finally ushed together. We talked all through the shift, and when he was leaving he gave me his number. Since that day our relationship has been absolutely insane. There's been break-ups, mix-ups, mistakes, and plenty of hurt and sadness to go around. But one thing has never changed in the whole time I've been captivated by him. Our feelings for each other. Not matter what we do or who we're with or how far apart we live, we've always been crazy about each other. There's this strange pull toward each other that we're both afraid of and want to give into at the same time. Recently, he told me he loved me, which is a really big thing coming from him. And just today he told me that he can't picture his life without me in it. Another huge thing coming from him. So suffice to say, I'm a happy person. : )

All she really wants is for you to finally get the nerve to say how you really feel about her. That way, when you look at her, she's not still second-guessing what you really mean.

Because I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in the ass.

*mine*

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you. I daydream about you all the time, replaying pieces of our conversation; laughing at funny things that you said. I've memorized your face. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. *mine*

You wanna play the game? It’s like this: You play around, you have fun, you share secrets, you tell stories, you cry on each others shoulders, you hold hands, you think about forever. But you don’t fall in love. Because the first one who does, loses.

They still want each other; they still need each other more than anything in the world. They're just taking a long time to figure it all out.

 He is like nobody else in the world. When I’m with him, it’s like I’m split in half. Part of me is on fire, going crazy if I’m not touching him. The other half is calm and peaceful, just perfectly content, knowing he is the one for me.

Everything is a double meaning when you say it, and I’ve given up trying to figure you out. I’m playing blindly by your rules because you won’t share them with me. You leave me breathless and in agony, I feel happiness and sorrow in the same instant. What you do to me is inexplicable, but know one thing is for sure. We’re in love. Head over heels, scary, terrible, incredible, painful love. And we are the only things holding us back. We let the distance come between us and our love. We can’t bear to be apart, but we can’t bear to be together through the distance. There is no right way for us. There is no way for us. We’re stuck in this fear of love.  

*mine*

And in that moment I just wanted him to push me hard against a wall and kiss me. I didn't want to think anymore; I didn't want to question it. I just wanted to feel it. Sometimes all we need is just to feel it.

  

He’s got this thing about him; I just can’t put a finger on it. Something about him, the way his hair lies on his head, the way he walks, or the way he talks. I feel my heart racing whenever he walks in my direction or looks at me with such piercing eyes, I almost fall over, he makes me lose my balance and act like such a fool.

 

Just say yes; just say there’s nothing holding you back. It’s neither a test nor a trick of the mind, only love. Just say yes, because I’m aching, and I know you are too, for the touch of the warm skin as I breathe you in. I can feel your heart beat through my shirt. This is all I wanted, all I wanted from you.

The reason I am still so attached to you is because I never felt that way about anyone. Cliché, right? Well, I’m serious. To this day, I would take you for all you are. I would take all the lack of communication and all the bullshit you pull. I would deal with your stubborn mind and closed heart. Tell me why, out of all the price charmings, why did I choose the most uncharming of them all?

Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

 

So, originally this blog was for my english class, and it was interesting. I'm realizing that I look at and save a bunch of quotes that I find, and I often use them as facebook statuses, haha. But then I end up posting a new status every hour or so, and I figure that's kind of obsessive and annoying. So I needed an outlet. And then I remembered that I have a blog set up, and no reason to continue to update about the same things I used to. At least, not for the same purpose. So I changed the name of the blog because it means even more to me now than it did before. It's not just an english blog anymore. In fact, it's not an english blog at all. It's my outlet. : )

So I hope some of these quotes and occasional pictures cheer you up, encourage you, or help you realize you're not alone in what you're going through because that's what they've done for me. I'd love to be able to pass that on to someone else because it's a lovely feeling.

“What do you really want?" I asked him impatiently. 


"You, I want you," he replied. 

I wasn't buying it. I turned to walk away, when he stopped me. 

"I want that part of you that gets excited when you hear the ice cream truck; the part that cries when old people die in movies. I want the part that cares about much more than what she wears. I want the part where she can totally be herself. I want the part that when I look at her, I only see her. The part where she could never give up a stuffed animal, cause she’ll feel bad for it. I want the part where she wants me, too. That’s what I really want.”

You will probably forget half the things I will always remember.

Sometimes you just feel empty, lonely, and insignificant. And it doesn’t matter what you do, it doesn’t matter how many laps you swim, study groups you join, classes you skip or how many sweatshirts you buy - you still feel like crap. Sometimes I just feel like taking off, selling everything I own and running away to somewhere so distant, running away into the unknown.

*mine*

I don’t know what it is, I just cry sometimes. Maybe I’m just so oblivious to the things going on around me that I don’t realize that I’m hurting as much as I am. So when the tears stream down my face and I don’t have anything to say, don’t ask me why I’m crying because I simply don’t know. Just hold me. I want to be held.

I guess I ran away from you. That’s part of what this whole moving to a different city to go to college thing was. I ran away because I just wanted to know if you would follow me. Or at least hold onto me even though I’m not lying next to you every day like I used to. You held on for a little while. And I could see it was causing you pain. I think you assumed that my positivity about us meant that it wasn’t hurting me as much as it was hurting you. But baby, you have no idea how much it hurt me. And imagine that times 10 when you said that we couldn’t be more than friends anymore. Baby, I’m broken here without you. And sure, I tried to fill the gap that you left; we both did. And I tried to date other people, tried to see myself with them. But I couldn’t because every time I thought I could possibly move on, there you were in the back of my head screaming that you knew I still loved you, just like day one. So, baby, I’ll settle. We both know you love me, but it’s okay that you’re not ready to say it or feel it. It’s okay that you’re scared. I’ll wait forever for you because I love you and I need you, darling. We’re going to be crazy great when we’re finally together. You know that, right?

*mine*

I’m giving up; I need you. I can’t forget about you. My heart beats for you and for you alone. I crave to lay with you. I fight the urge to throw my arms around you when I see you. I need you in my life.

You know, a lot of people walk around this world with checklists. I'm not just talking about our to-do lists for the day, I'm talking about our checklists for love. They have to have this kind of hair,  an accent, a certain height, a certain smile. They have to be spontaneous, they have to travel to places like Paris, they have to be rich, they have to be strong and have perfect abs. Where in the world are you going to find an actual person like this? No where. This person only exists in your head. You know the person you really want? It's the person standing right next to you. The one you'd never consider because they don't possess one single item on the checklist. That's the person you want. The zero out of ten. Why? Because they'll drive you crazy, but they'll make everything alright. And it may not be fabulous and exotic, but who wants that all the time anyway? Don't you want to just lay around the house sometimes and watch cartoons? The zero out of ten will do that. The ten out of ten? They're always up to something. So what's on that checklist now?

*mine*