Sunday, June 19

I'll run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.

It's a long one :)

Sometimes, when you love someone that much, not even the truth can change that.


I've learned that when it hurts too much inside your heart, it always has a way of showing; no matter how many masks you wear.

Sometimes walking away says, "I don't care." Sometimes it says, "I'm not willing to fight for us," and "I'm not willing to make an effort to keep you  around." But sometimes, walking away says, "I'm sorry, I just can't fight any harder for us." It says, "I've given everything I have and I can't stay because I'm empty now."
*mine*


It's the possibility that keeps us going, not the guarantee.

He was beautiful in the kind of way that was untouchable, yet somehow I was allowed to kiss him. He was the kind of guy that every girl wanted, and I was the one lucky enough to fall asleep with him nightly. He was perfect in every single way, and I was the one who got to be called perfect by him. I was lucky enough to fall in love with the best guy, and was lucky enough to have him fall in love with me too.
*this one is especially for you*

When you go through something like that, you do this thing where you stop making plans. Because you had plans but then something happened - they left, they changed - and your plans disappeared so you just try to get from sunup to sundown. That's as far into the future as you can handle.


You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and the flirting and the chasing and the teasing and the stupid games and obvious issues, who cared?! I was done. I told you I loved you, and you left me. You chose to run away. You chose to be alone and with her. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.

It's easy to suggest a quick solution when you don't know much about the problem or you don't understand the underlying cause or just how deep the wound is. The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with. But that's not what people want to hear... We're supposed to forget the past that led us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix.


It's the not knowing that does it. Not knowing if he's okay. Not knowing if he's coming back. I mean, it's not knowing if I'm single that makes me want to throw up all day long.

If there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are.
*

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is leftover when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

You weren't part of the plan I had in mind. But I don't see how that was ever possible because without you, I wouldn't be getting closer and closer to becoming who I want to be. With you, I'm going to achieve every dream I've ever had. So being without you is never a possibility for the way my life is going to turn out.

Sunday, June 12

We're going down and you can feel it, too

A wise girl leaves before she is left.

He grabbed my hand and half of me wanted to scream not to touch me. And half of me wanted to beg him to never let go.

If you ever do me wrong - and I mean, really wrong, here's what you can expect. I won't dump you, but I'll be mad as hell. So if I still want to be with you, I will, but I'll make you work for me. I won't be your doormat. I won't let you in the first time you knock on my door. You'll have to come back every day until I trust you enough. If you don't come back after a couple of tries, I'll let you go. It'll hurt like hell, but I'll do it. If you come back every day, then you're worth it. You're really worth it.
*mine*

Just so you know, the only thing I really want is to hear you laugh again. You know, hear you sing off-key. Watch you roll your eyes at me when I steal french fries off of your plate. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm crazy for you.

I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... Most of the time. And sometimes, despite all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.

'The only trick is never giving more than you were willing to lose.' That had always been my motto. I never gave my all to anyone after my first love crashed and burned. I was scared, tired, and proud. I was honest always but hid myself from everyone at the same time. My honesty was my shield. The walls were high, but you... You broke through. The first conversation with you changed me. You were different. You acted high and mighty, just like me. But you were so hard on yourself. You had such low self-esteem and it was obvious to me. I wanted to know you, I wanted to love you. You are my all.
*mine*

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing. Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean. So how do we keep from drowning?

All we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

We fight mainly for one reason. Cause when you fight, you truly find out how much you're willing to take before you break and when you break, you need to see if that other person truly cares enough to make everything okay again. Cause without fighting, the liars of love could be walking all over the place.


Bottom line, the two people that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everyone else, but the big difference is that they don't let it take them down.